Jeans - Miss Anna, Tank Top - Farrell & Brown, Shoes - ASOS, Bracelet - Jewelmint, Earrings - Gift
Today was just a simple tank top & jeans kind of day...just lounging around the house and a quick trip into town to the PO box! I actually thought it was going to be an amazing summer's day when I woke up to beautiful sunshine but that quickly changed and now the skies are all grey with rainclouds although it still feels "muggy" outside! :/
I've been doing a lot of thinking about our wedding and wondering whether I should blog about some of the stressful things that have been happening lately. The problem is that I know a lot of people read my blog, which usually isn't really a problem - in fact it's a blessing and I'm very grateful that you are all regular readers and enjoy it! But of course, then I need to think about what I should and shouldn't share...how many "haters" will read this and leave nasty comments or write something nasty about it somewhere else on the internet :/ The other problem is that I do know a good few people from my "real life" read my blog and I obviously don't want to offend anyone. So what should I do? Be honest, at the risk of getting attacked for it later? Or just keep my mouth shut. This is supposed to be a personal blog though...and I always prefer to be as honest as possible with you guys. An example: I recently did my teen workout video/post and also my teen diet tips post. The vast majority of you found these extremely helpful and have written me amazing and sweet emails saying how much they've meant to you. I really appreciate that so much...but on the other hand I've gotten so much negativity from them as well. People who have nothing better to do than be nasty and bring up other stuff that is totally irrelevant...which makes me wonder should I have shared that with you guys in the first place. Ughhh...so conflicting!
Anyhow - for the meantime I'm going to share but I may take this down or edit it later...I don't know. But please appreciate that I'm being honest with you guys because I want to keep it REAL and not give you an illusion of a perfect world. Wedding planning IS stressful. I do have worries about the day and things do go wrong. That's life! So here are the things that I'm worried about/have gone wrong:
1. That the occasion is going to be too sad.
This is probably my biggest concern. I'm afraid that I won't enjoy my wedding at all because my dad won't be there. That is going to be playing up on my mind the whole time...I just know it. It's kind of unavoidable to be honest, I just really hope it won't ruin the whole thing and end up being a huge cry-fest, you know? Added to that is the fact that I'll ruin my makeup...lol. It sounds ridiculous and superficial but hey, it is my wedding day! I want to be happy, not sad. I'm an emotional person anyway and I usually cry at other people's weddings so I'm afraid I'll just be a big blubbering cry-baby at my own with streaky mascara and bloodshot eyes. Haha.
2. We don't have a photographer anymore
If you watch our daily vlogs you'll already know this but a few weeks ago we got word from our photographer/groomsman (!) that he isn't going to be able to make it. :( I'm not pissed at him, so I hope if he's reading this he won't think I'm trying to call him out or anything - because he had a totally valid reason and it's just one of those things that can't be helped. It just sucks because a) he's a great photographer and b) well...now we have no-one. My favourite photographer of all time has got to be Jonathan, without a doubt. But it's his wedding, so clearly he can't take the photos!
3. Some people are unable to come.
Actually this isn't something that's stressing me out, it's just sad in general but I understood this might happen from the beginning when we decided to have the wedding in Italy. All my friends are the same age as me (23) and are either still in college doing post-grad studies or working part-time jobs. It's really not fair of me to expect them to be able to afford to go to my wedding/also time-wise September is awkward for thesis deadlines, etc. I knew this from the get-go though and as it gets closer to the date and more and more people are telling me they can't come I'm thinking "should I have just had the wedding in Ireland". But then I didn't want to have it in Ireland, I want it in Italy...so...it's conflicting!
4. I can't visualise anything properly.
The problem with being so far away from the actual hotel & venue and everything is that I'm planning it all from over here and have no clue what it's going to look like. For example, I don't know what the table set-up will be, the flowers, cake, centrepieces, ceremony...etc. It's just so hard to visualise everything when I've only seen a few pictures of other wedding set-ups in the same venue. Know what I mean?
5. Albi and Sina won't be there :(
This makes me want to cry just thinking about it. But I know it's for the best! That's the stupid thing about it...I know that they will be happier and healthier here in Ireland and people keep telling me I've made the right decision and that it's "only a week". I don't think anyone truly understands this except for Jonathan...they are our babies. As much as other people might laugh and think we're totally crazy - that's just how we are. We're a unit, a family of 4 - not two. A week to us is like a million years! I just can't imagine being apart from them for so long. When we only had Albi it was a given that he was going to be there, but now that there are two of them it just doesn't make any sense. They're fine together, they have each other and they probably won't miss us as much as we think but I am going to be a hot mess on the day we have to leave them behind. All I'll say is thank god it's not two weeks!!
Those are just some of the things that have been playing on my mind these last few days...I hope I didn't bore you but, you know. You don't have to read if you don't want to ;) It's not everything because there are still a few niggly things too personal to mention but you get the general idea.